suara sumbang

 Malam ini aku sedih

Suara aku disalah tafsir

Nyanyianku didengar sumbang

Mungkin aku patut berhenti menyanyi, biar didengar bisu.

Mungkin aku lebih baik menari, menari di papan kekunci.

Mungkin.

.............................................................

Aku asalnya hanya ingin menjadi aku,

aku ingin didengar dan disayang,

Tetapi aku lupa mungkin,

segala luahan perasaan yang isinya pahit, 

tetap pahit pada yang menerima.

Harusnya dibuang jauh saja

Jangan diberi beri, dengan harapan dikembalikan yang sembuh.

Kerana tidak semua yang pahit itu penyembuh.

-aku yang bersuara sumbang-

Musim ini

Musim telah pun berganti

Kami yang di musim ini merangkumi

aku, dia dan jibril.

Aku

kini seorang isteri kepada dia

ibu kepada jibril

seorang aku masih sukakan puisi

walau lama aku tinggalkan, jiwaku masih di sini.

jiwa puisi yang penuh caca merba

Dia

dia yang memilih aku

dia yang menyayangiku

dan dia yang menghormatiku

dia yang menerima segala kekurangan aku

dia yang mencintai seorang aku yang penuh caca merba

Jibril

Malaikat kecil kami

Yang lahir dari kisah aku dan dia.

- Coretan musim ini-

Near drowning

Its been 6 month I work here
So far I am happy with my life.

I wrote here today because I had something disturbing my mind now.
I just received a whatsapp message from my boss regarding discharging a patient 2 days ago.
I had a Pakistan lady who survived from neardrowning.
Intubated in ICU for almost one week
Came with GCS 3, but now regain full conciousness.
Transfered to my ward for continuation of care.

I did discharge her 2 days ago.
After considering that she had good oxygenation under room air already.
My boss planned to discharge her in 2-3 days time.
She was upset that I discharge the patient early, worried about ARDS.
But patient bugged me, saying she is well and no one to take care of her in hospital.
Thus I discharge her home.
I really hope she is fine and no complication in airplane.

Being a MO is one thing.
You have to decide and prepare for the concequences.
U have to receive critization.
Lately I feel a bit depressed with my work.
I did try to give my best but sometimes I also fail with my empathy to patient.
I am depressed if my decision doesnt fulfill my boss expectation.
Nah. Being a girl with labile emotion is hard.
I hope I will improve.

cInTaLaH sEaDanYa

Cinta. 

Mengalun bahagia.

Menyulam duka.

Adakala cinta itu ada.

Selalu ada.

Adakala cinta itu menghilang.

Dalam kelam

Namun dia selalu ada buat diriku.

Membuat aku ketawa.

Menghilang segala duka.

Menjadikan hidup aku ramai dalam sendiri.

Menjadikan aku suka walau duka.

Menbuat aku bangkit walau sakit.

Dialah seorang dia.

Manusia biasa yang hanya biasa.

Lagak angkuh dan punya jiwa teguh.

aKu DaN LanGkAwI

Salam sahabat

Lama tanganku kaku.
Tandus idea.
Banyak cerita yang tak tercerita

Kisahku banyak. Berbuku buku namun terbiar sepi.

Hari ini inginku belanja kepingan kepingan gambar.
Buat simpanan memori kita kita di masa depan



Aku kini di bumi Mahsuri menumpah bakti.
Gred 44 yang menjadikan aku sendiri di bumi yang istimewa ini.



Kini genap sebulan aku sendiri. Rindu datang dan pergi.
Menjadi medical Mo yang bukan pilihan aku.
Ada masa aku sepi. aku sepi
Ada masa aku tertekan. aku tertekan.
Tetapi akulah medical MO.
Tanggungjawab aku lebih aula dari emosiku yang sepi dan tertekan.





Mak cik pakcik.Wajahmu cerminan wajah ibubapaku.
Baktiku pada makcik pakcik, baktiku pada ibubapaku.
Moga dengan berbakti pada kamu, mereka yang lain akan berbakti pada ibubapaku
Moga kita kita dalam reda Ilahi selalu.





Gambar yang biasa biasa saja.
Tiada yang istimewa.
Tapi inginku belanja juga sekeping wajahku.
Untuk ingatanku pada masa mudaku bila ia berlalu pergi.
Untuk ingatan mereka yang ada bila aku tiada.


* Gambar dan warkahku kaitanya tiada. Tapi masih dalam genre yang sama. Moga terhibur

I wish he could listen more

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Hi Peeps. Miss me? ahaksz. Now Im doing my paediatric posting as my 5th posting.
Lately my life goes crazy.
Theres a stone in my heart that I want to get rid away.
I have been misjudge and punished unfairly.

Things happened  when a staff ask me to take a manual blood pressure of a nephro patient post blood transfusion.
And I sesuke hati refuse by saying ' akak suruhla ho nephro ambil'.
Yeah that is the reason off all the bullshit.
Little did I know the Nephro HO were not around.
And little did I know the patient had post blood transfusion complication  which are vomitting and headache.
The staff did not tell me all those nor she did not come back to me telling the blood pressure havent taken yet. I really thought everything was settled by then.

Then by pm, my superior called me.
The convesrsation goes like this.

Him: Who are you? Ho or Mo?
Me  : Ho
Him :Is it true my staff said you refuse to take the blood pressure of my  patient?
Me   :Emmm.. Yeah.. ( Stunted dy)
Him  :-All those cacimaki - I will extend you for a month!
Me    : STUNTED... ok .. and leave the scene coz im holding back my tears dy.

It is still my mistake in the first place but I dont think that I deserve to receive  such punishment and scold.

Should he listen to me first than punish me later? I was so heart broken. why cant he listen more.Why did the staff goes and report about the incident to my MO. And why did my MO report to my superior without asking me  first why and what happened actually. Like she didnt know how my superior was.

Did they really had to punish me like this. Im so frustrated already.
It comes to my mind ' Am I really a bad HO to deserve all this?
Things happened. Whatever I did, I wont  come clean anymore. The scar is there already.
So anyone out there.Do listen more.
Tak salah tersalah memaafkan dari tersalah menghukum.

And i dont think I can bear to see all those facies anymore.

dia yang merAJUK

sumpah!

aku jumpa dia dalam lenaku.

aku jumpa dia dalam jagaku.

Tapi hari ini, dia merajuk denganku,

satu kataku, satulah katanya.

janganlah begitu.

runsing aku.

hai si awak,

esok tersenyumlah seperti selalu,

kerana aku juga ingin senyum melihatmu :)

Assalamualaikum wbt.

Now im gonna talk about my verily 2nd posting which is surgery...
Huhu.. im adapting well now. I can do work faster. I am not the blurr ainin anymore. Except the fact that i still the lazy to read ho as usual.

I make friends.. there is senior and there is junior.. we work in a team here. I have my own surgical sibs as well. I really love the atmosphere here.

Klah.. bye

last minute job

OMG....
i am pm shift today..
yet i have my mid assessment today with mr mara.
Havent prepare well though.
plus i should present my cme today.
and im still preparing the slide now..
omg, ainin ainin..

still take sometime updating blog...
oh should change should change.

hope im doing okay todAY
 :D

dust to dust

Some song means something.
Sometimes they mean everything.
But they also can mean nothing.

I listen listen and listen to those songs.
Just to bring me away from things that I dont want to think.

Life isnt easy nowadays.
Got a lot of stress in ward.
I cant handle stress well.

Some peoples bring me smile.
Some peoples make me strong.
Some peoples make me stay where I should stay.

Somehow I know.
Ive learnt.
Ive learnt learnt from those lessons in the past.
Not to hook. Not to engage.

Not to hook. Not to engage.

Not to hook. Not to engage.